I woke to more rain yesterday morning, after a continuous drizzle Friday afternoon. I was grateful for the cloud cover at Junior Guards all morning. The Captain and I have been blessed with mostly hazy skies and minimal heat this past week, even swimming in the rain some mornings. Ocean swimming in the rain is my absolute favorite...particularly when there isn't any lightning to stress about.
Rain makes for lousy training, however. Our long bike was a no-go after checking the radar and consulting with The Safety Supervisor, Barry. I reluctantly climbed back into bed for a couple more hours of restless guilty sleep, then woke blurry eyed and headed to the gym. (It was still raining with lightning.)
I climbed on the dreadmill without really thinking about how many miles I wanted to run. I just felt like moving, really. Those are often the best workouts. I sometimes wing it when I roll into the gym, undecided which body part to lift or how much cardio I want to accomplish. This day, I was flex and open to anything. I ended up with just over ten miles, but it wasn't how many times the belt cycled on my hamster wheel...it was the cogs of my mind turning round and round that made it worthwhile.
Do you ever feel as though the pieces of your world are finally falling into place? From the experiences you had as a child, to memories and dreams floating in your head, everything suddenly appears to be culminating into something more formable, more tangible, as if it all could really morph into a meaningful purpose for your existence? The lows and highs, the colorful pieces that make us the kaleidoscope of who we are, sometimes make the present, but almost more importantly, the future, abundantly obvious. I was thinking about the hurts and misgivings I've suffered, the awards and accolades achieved, the love taken or love lost....I felt as though I was watching a movie of my life in my head and the meaning was so clear.
I knew at once what I am called to do.
In these moments, when I am floating on a rotating belt, my thoughts carry me far from the workout. I am not thinking about the Iron distance or how many stupid miles I have covered. I'm not worrying about the fact I never washed the ocean out of my hair from the previous day (I really love ocean hair....it's wavy and wildly fun to go out with). I am not thinking about the skin cancer that needs to come off my face or where my kids are going to school next year. Happily, I am thinking--truly believing--that everything is going to fall into place just exactly where it should. Suddenly, everything is really not all that abstract.
Don't get me wrong, there are still so very many experiences in my journey thus far I truly do not understand, and dare say I have no use for, but more and more, I have clarity for the future. I know who I am. I know what I want. I know where I am going, regardless of who is traveling with me. I don't want to just hope. I am going to believe.
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