Expectations or Exceptions?

"If you decide that something you want is unrealistic and unlikely to happen it will absolutely live up to your expectation."- Sibyl Chavis, The Possibility of Today

I have heard it argued that it is best not to have expectations in order to avoid disappointments. I feel as though this argument is highly dishonest. I want to say it is even the less courageous road to travel. I am willing to wager that each and every one of us have expectations everyday--to one degree or another--even if we are not always conscious of them. Expectations are the vehicles that drive our passions and shape our lives daily.

When I walk into Starbucks and place my order, I have the expectation that my latte will come over the counter hot. Heading out for a twenty mile run, I expect to complete it, barring any rare and unforeseen complications. I expect the weather is going to be sunny most days in The Sunshine State. When I go to bed at night, I have the expectation, God willing, that I am going to wake up the next morning to begin again. I expect these things based on past experience. Expectations are grounded in the past, but they provide us with a future. They are the very fuel for our hopes and desires.

In my mind, expectations are inevitable. They are woven into the fabric of everyday life, based on the lives we design. We have expectations of ourselves and of those around us. We are lying if we say otherwise. I expect my husband is going to help raise two capable and contributing members of society. I expect my kids to work hard in school so they have every opportunity available to them. I expect friends to honor plans and commitments as much as possible out of courtesy. Maintaining expectations provides accountability in relationships, as well as motivation to achieve our goals. It encourages us be better individuals. If I expect to finish a race in a predetermined projected time, I am going to work harder to achieve that than if I head into it haphazardly. I expect there will be volunteers on the race course providing participants with support. This expectation is based on experience. Continuously making exceptions or finding excuses (it was too hot, the elevation was difficult, there wasn't enough support) doesn't do anything for my cause longterm.

I have long been fascinated with a local sawmill in town. A thousand times I have driven past the archaic machine when taking the kids to swim practice, and a thousand times I have wondered if it runs currently. As it turns out, the old mill still cuts Florida Pines into manageable pieces for furniture and otherwise. I know this because I called the owner. I expected him to be hostile and reticent to my request to photograph his property. I was delighted to find he was quite the opposite; he spent two hours with me, offering a walking tour of his sixty acres.

My original expectation was that I might have to fight for my cause and sell my story to this perfect stranger over the phone; I was elated to discover he didn't find my request all that unusual and was happy to accommodate. I took over 850 photographs of his ranch and made a new friend in the process. Had I relied on my initial expectation, fear of rejection very well may have kept me from calling him. If I had no expectation at all, I probably would have tried to put that sawmill out of my head while feeling remorseful passing it everyday on the commute to the pool.

I realize I set high expectations for myself, but I just cannot buy into the "no expectations" philosophy. That is far too ambivalent for my taste, leaving too much to chance. I prefer to be more proactive. What else will power the engine of our dreams? How else could I possibly plan for the future? How can we strive for better if we blindly head into the experiences and relationships that shape our lives? With no preconceived ideas and expectations, we don't have a measuring stick by which to gage the circumstances. Of course, this invites opportunity for disappointment if the bar is set too high, but there is always some risk involved where emotions are invested. I will happily invest and anticipate, hoping for the very best positive experience and living to the fullest, before I reserve expectations in an effort to remain "safe". I want more--the most, in fact.

Consistently making exceptions to expectations shortchanges our potential and facilitates mediocrity in those around us. If I invest my time, heart, and soul into a project, from a race to a photo shoot, I am going to expect a great end result. Further, claiming to be without any expectations seems like an excuse to shirk responsibilities to me. It protects us from heartache and gives us an out to evade regret and avoid rejection, but is that pursuing the most meaningful life we can live? Clinging to the idea of no expectations is a defensive mechanism to be sure, but it also just sounds sort of defensive. It appears somewhat cowardice to me. If one doesn't have expectations, does she have a pulse at all?