SentiMENTAL

I try not to be sentimental. It feels akin to regret or love lost or something impossible to change, no matter how much I will it to be different. The idea of feeling sentimental seems overly emotional or too tenderhearted. Sentimental feels weak.

I have friends who have a difficult time cleaning out the closets. They cannot seem to pitch items that they are certain they will eventually use at a later date. Emptying out their stuff leaves them feeling empty. I understand the desire to want to ascribe emotion to special pieces of the past. I know I could very easily have attachment to items that awaken old memories and stir my heart for places of personal history. I never allow this to be the case.

My little boy is a collector. He wants to keep every scrap of paper he has ever written on, every book, every toy since birth, every minuscule party favor. He makes art out of old gum wrappers and cereal boxes and keeps them on display. His cluttered room is littered with balloons that have long since lost their helium (special because they were from the parties of friends) and pipe cleaner "pets". I think he is borderline hoarder. I have to push him to get rid of anything, and it kills me to force the issue. I feel like I am ripping away pieces of his heart when he politely refuses to give up the Spongebob card game he never plays. (I have resorted to bribing him with money- Lego fund, you know.)

I am married to a man who hates stuff. For all intensive purposes, he would rather own absolutely nothing and live light. He doesn't get collecting and he definitely doesn't understand emotional attachment to inanimate things. We have always lived like gypsies. To date, our longest stay in a house is just over two years. "This one is for the heart" he tells me each time we move and are forced to go through the clutter that accumulates with the passage of time and two kids. This is his mantra as he--without hesitation--puts as much as possible out with the trash. Admittedly, my heart always feels a little heavy and I silently sigh a regretful moan to myself where kid art or books are concerned.

This is also a man who doesn't believe in items on "loan"; when he "lends" something out, he never expects it back. He is gifting it to you and will never keep you accountable for its return, so go ahead and ask to borrow his Litespeed. I happen to think he is happy to give most anything away so it's one less bothersome item to clean or store or worry about. He cares nothing about measuring status with stuff and figures most items to be superfluous anyway.

I used to have a pretty heathy CD collection. I loved my music library because so many of those songs or artists reminded me of driving Pacific Coast Highway on endless summer days. It was a simple time in my life when I was single and carefree and had the world at my fingertips. Rolling in my topless Wrangler with The Cranberries, I knew I was invincible. I learned to let those CDs go several moves ago, with the consolation of itunes.

I have been trained not to be sentimental. I have learned that any thing I own is just that...it's a thing, an item, an object that really doesn't measure my value.  I know my things are really not the sum of me. They may represent my likes and taste, they often symbolize a chapter of my life, but they don't define who I am. I own them, not the other way around. I get that. I have been taught as much. I would be lying, however, if I didn't admit I feel for those close to me who have a hard time parting with their belongings. I really do understand the feeling of loss and having to sacrifice everything.