― Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper
Is it possible that we sometimes fall in love with someone's potential? I tend to be overly optimistic with regard to people. I want to think the best of everyone. I want to believe we all have good to the very core. I want to believe we can love others through their difficulties and struggles and help see them through to their highest potential. I always want everything to work out for good.
I am so often disappointed. Some people just don't get it.
Maybe my expectations are too high of others, but canceling a house showing six minutes before arrival time due to rain (like it never rains here?) seems rather unprofessional to me....especially when I am already in the driveway waiting for you. I have never thought of this person as flakey. Is it really difficult to honor an appointment, regardless of weather? We have these wonderful inventions called umbrellas....
The house had so much potential...so did the budding friendship. Disappointed.
I once fell in love with a man for whom I wanted to believe he was. He was fun, energetic, full of life, and could always keep pace with me. He played all my silly games and seemed to understand me when all the rest of the world was wrong. He loved adventure and was willing to take on most anything new. His intellect and creative genius captivated me. His humor and gentleness won my trust. He had the highest potential in so many ways, but his intimacy issues killed it. He didn't understand commitment. From afternoon plans to spending a lifetime together, he wasn't capable of follow through. He committed to everything and everyone around him so that he had reason not to commit to any one thing or person in particular. He was the most unreliable person who truly believed he was ultra reliable. Or maybe he was just ADHD and overly distractible? He could always justify his lack of availability and expected others to accept it, too.
He had so much potential, yet he showed me over and over again what disappointment felt like. I think I fell in love with the man I knew he had the potential to be. I still think of his reluctant grin sometimes.
I have heard it argued that to lower our expectations, or to get rid of any altogether, is to avoid disappointment. Somehow, I don't think that is living an authentic life. I have touched on this before, as I feel excusing expectation is a cheap way out of responsibility, a means by which to skirt accountability to others. I mean, if we all walked around without any expectations, what would become of the world in which we live? Our coffee would never be hot, we could never depend on the bus to arrive on time, our children would not become educated citizens, and there would be no true depth to any of the relationships we keep.
People are bound to let us down. I understand this, truly. But I am starting to believe there is a statute of limitations on just how much we can be disappointed without becoming scarred. Maybe I am not equipped to handle disappointment. Maybe my heart is too fragile. Maybe I have endured all of the disappointment I can handle for one lifetime.
Perhaps I need to start calculating the risk before diving in. I need to measure the outcome before blindly accepting people at their word or on faith alone. I really want to believe the best in everyone, but often it seems a bitter mistake.
I have so much potential....I wonder how many people I disappointed today?
Maybe I will become a loner.
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